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Post by airsylph on Sept 19, 2012 8:24:06 GMT -8
 MAItwentyone | male | player | love | maikeru killigrewThe CharacterIt was impossible to explain how I felt at the moment. Saying that my heart was ripped out of my chest, or that it was crushed underneath his foot, wasn’t enough. It didn’t come close, not at all. I bit my lip, hard. Why did I do that? Why did I write that for him? I had seen the crushed letter in the bin, heard him call me a freak; and of course, he knew I was around to hear and see all of that.
And despite it all, he still looked beautiful, his freckles scattered over the bridge of his nose. Ryota still stayed in the classroom, telling his classmates about the letter that he had received from me. They were all staring at me, but no one said a thing. It just made everything harder, seeing him so agitated. I received a text from Arisu: “What happened? Are you all right?” I ignored it. From the corner of my eye, I could see Ryota staring at me, his face contorted in disgust. How could I like him that much? I felt ashamed, silly, almost crazy even that I had gathered my courage to tell him how I felt. We were merely acquaintances before; he was never particularly nice to me, but still good enough. Now things were ruined forever.
I picked up my bag and left the classroom hurriedly through the backdoor. I felt like I was about to burst – a big bubble of emotion rose up from my chest. In a while, my face stung with the cold wind as I stood outside school looking at the cars drive by. My cell vibrated in my pocket; maybe it was Arisu again. I checked and it was Aoi: “Wru” – he meant to ask where I was. I didn’t want to face them, my two best friends, not now. They were the only ones who knew that I liked boys; but now, perhaps everyone knew. With them, I always felt safe. Arisu always told me that she didn’t care what others say, and that everyone should be able to like who they want to like.
Somehow, Aoi appeared. “What’s up?” he muttered.
I shrugged and forced a grin.
Upon seeing my tear-stricken face, he sighed. “You stupid boy,” he said as he pulled me into a hug. I held him and somehow, I felt relieved. Tears, snot, everything came out and it became a little hard to breathe. I could feel his warm hand on my back, and his voice telling me to calm down and just to let it all out. Somehow, I felt safe, right there and then. Then the guilt struck.
I always hated feeling jealous when Arisu and Aoi talked about their future. I introduced them together and I always hated the part of me that regretted it. My two best friends – it was natural for them to like each other. Slowly, I felt like I became the outsider. It had been many years since I knew Aoi; Arisu I had met a few years ago. To me, I always felt that Aoi was different from all the other boys I knew. He was the one who had asked me, comforted me when I finally confessed and came out of the closet. My sexuality was not a problem for him at all. He had once said, “I know we’re just best friends. There’s no way that you would like me,” and grinned. I had smiled then. I didn’t know what he meant then – but it hurt because I didn’t know how I felt towards him, that I wasn’t sure if I would feel anything for him. Sure, there were boys that I had crushes on, but it felt different from how I felt towards him. When Arisu transferred to our school, I made a point to try to welcome her since I met her online beforehand; and somehow, it had become the three of us. Then it became the two of them, and me.
I pulled away. “Thanks Aoi. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” I nodded toward the wet patch on his shoulder.
He waved his hand. “No problem, Maikeru.”
It was moments like these, where we would be looking at each other, when I felt something inside my chest. Without a beat, I pushed the emotions deeper; I wouldn’t want to hurt their budding relationship, not me. They were my friends, I reminded myself. They mean everything to me. I wanted them to be happy.
“I texted Arisu; she’ll be here soon.”
As I saw her figure coming towards us, hair in a mess, hand grabbing tightly onto her messenger bag as she dashed over wildly, I knew that they cared for me in a way no one would. I wouldn’t be the one to sabotage them, I promised myself. I turned to Aoi; and he was looking at me, strangely. His hand was still on my shoulder and my face burned with warmth. I whispered, “Arisu’s really funny.”
“She is, isn’t she? She cares for you a lot, Maikeru. More than you would ever know.”
I grinned and waved at her. As she arrived panting, I knew everything that would happen. We would talk, she would tell me that it was okay, that everything was okay. He would tell me to fuck what the rest thought, that I still had them no matter what. We would then go and have some oyako-don at our favorite stall. We would laugh and talk badly about Ryota and how stupid I was, not to write him that note, but to like him in the first place when there were so many better guys around. I would go home feeling better; and worse because of the moment I shared with Aoi made me realize the one I always liked was him.
The RPername air. or sylph. it's all fine <3
face claim persona, minato arisato (persona 3 protagonist)
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I've a few questions about the techniques though; could I PM you about it? 