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Post by aiko on Oct 9, 2012 10:16:29 GMT -8
 PIXENfour | female | player | purity/love/kindness | Saito Ai The CharacterI had brother, you know. A twin. Makoto. Some people think twins are supposed to share some powerful bond and be BFFs right from birth. I used to think we proved that wrong. We never really got along. We fought over everything, and it seemed every new toy became a victim of a vicious tug-o-war match. We were such brats, and drove our parents nuts!
It's so easy to underestimate the significance a person has in your life, so easy to take them for granted. When he was still there, I thought life would be easier if I didn't have a brother there to fight over every little thing. Part of me wanted to be an only child. Have my parents, my toys, my room all to myself. Then one day... I was.
We were five years old back then. Mom was taking us home from school. At the time I was sitting in a wagon while Mako was walking alongside Mom. We were crossing the street, when a car drove through the red light. They didn't see us, and hit Mom and Mako directly. The wagon wasn't in the car's path but it still toppled over when the car hit Mom.
I ended up with a broken arm and I was pretty scraped up too. Mom survived, but with more broken bones, as well as a spinal injury that left her paralyzed from the waist down. None of that seemed to be as terrible as it was, because for whatever happened to me and my Mom, my brother was dead.
After all that, I've become terrified of cars. Before my parents put me into therapy I couldn't even go near a quiet street. Because of this we moved to a small town where the traffic was at least quieter. Overtime, my therapy sessions made my motorphobia less severe, but to this day I am still uncomfortable crossing streets and parking lots, and can't handle being in a car for more than 15 minutes.
It took me many long months to come to terms with the fact that I'd never see my brother again. Everytime I came into my room I expected Mako to be up on the top bunk, declaring it his. When I got a new toy, the gift seemed empty without him there to snatch it away. When I think about it, it just makes me sad. All we ever knew of each other was how bratty and selfish we were.
Then I was angry. Not just at the car that hit my brother, but everyone. Anyone I could possibly blame. The bystanders for just watching as he died, the doctors for not saving him, the whole world for who knows what. My Mom for crossing us when she did. Even myself, because I thought there had to be something I could have done to stop it.
Then there were times I would just give anything to turn the clock back. Pray to God or whatever power was out there, and just plead for them to bring my brother back. To make it so that car never ran him over. To make it all just a bad dream. Just to take away all the pain.
The sadness of losing my brother felt endless, and in some ways it is. Though over time I did eventually accept that he's gone, I still think of him every day. I'm seventeen years old now and I still sleep with a nightlight, not because I need one (never did!) but because Mako would always get upset and never get to sleep if he didn't have a nightlight on. I also continued to sleep on the bottom bunk and refused to let anyone on top, though that became a non-issue when I outgrew the bed and Dad got me a new single bed.
While I eventually was able to get past the pain of grief, my Mother was another story. As much as I want to say I was affected the worse by my brother's death, at least I recovered. My Mom however, the devastation never really ended. She had to deal with not just the loss of her son, but her mobility as well.
After the accident, what little time Dad had between work, was mostly with my Mom. I don't think it mattered, maybe I would have been able to cope better if they were there for me, but I didn't really care too much because I was too upset about losing my brother to care about getting attention from anyone at the time.
A year after my brother died, my Mother took her own life. Somehow... It just didn't hit me as hard as my brother's death did. Maybe it was because she only seemed to know about her dead son, and seemed to forget I was still there. Maybe it was just easier the second time around. Maybe... maybe there was a part of me that was still angry at her. I don't know.
I lived the rest of my life up til now being raised by my father. Having lost both his wife and son, his love for me was many times stronger. It made him quite over protective of me, but I didn't mind it so much. My experiences in life and the losses I've had to endure, have made me overly cautious as well.
My weekly routine for many years shifted between school, therapy, and various recreational activities. Though I didn't get that great of a start in school and struggled for the first couple of years due to all the stress at the time, I still proved to be quite a smart kid further down the road, and my grades went from C's and D's to A's and B's.
While my motorphobia was still bad, my Dad tried to find alternative types of transportation for me. Getting me a bike was one of the first things we got, and he'd sometimes take me to parks and I could ride around the paths there. He also took me to a nearby ranch where I learned to ride a pony.
When my Dad went to work, my Grandmother would come over to babysit me. We always had a lot of fun together and she always brought fun activities for us to do. What I especially looked forward to was her cooking. Every afternoon she'd teach me how to cook various foods and bake delicious treats. I still do quite a bit of cooking to this day and I enjoy every bit of it!
When I turned fifteen, one of my friends had gotten a puppy for their birthday. We'd spend so much time playing with him and I'd go with her when she took the dog for a walk. Soon I found myself begging my Dad to get me a puppy. It took a bit of convincing, but after swearing I'd take care of it, he caved and bought be a little Shina Inu puppy I named Maxine.
Dogs and horses became my favorite animals. I promised myself I'd save up to buy my very own horse one day, but that wasn't something I planned to do immediately. My current focus as far as animals go is Maxine, and I still have a lot to learn about the care aspect of horses before I am ready to have one of my own.
I really can't stand cold weather. No matter how much I bundle up, at least one part of my body always seems to freeze up! If I had to choose between being in an eternal ice age or a constant heat wave, I'd pick the heat wave. I can handle sweat. Freezing my nose off? Not so much!
My friends say I am a nice person, and I try to be, but they also say I get pretty clingy too. People are so uptight about personal space even when it's between friends! I don't get why they have to freak over a simple hug or even just being a few inches too close to them.
Though I am nice most of the time, there are other times where I don't quite hit that mark. When other people are being jerks to me, or when I am just not in a good mood, I can get pretty sarcastic. I try to avoid being like that towards my friends, but if you are just being a jerk, I might not care enough to hold back.
Don't ask me to draw anything for you, just don't. I am totally useless at it. My brother was the one who liked the crayons and stuff, and we even still have some of his stuff. Sure, they aren't masterpieces, but he was just a kid back then after all.
Today I am seventeen years old, and my friends have convinced me to try the new virtual reality game, Digimon Online. I was never much of a video game buff, but it did seem pretty interesting nonetheless. It wasn't one of those games where you spend hours in front of a television twiddling your thumbs over a controller after all, and it promised a realistic experience.
While I'd soon find out a lot of people leaned towards much older models for their avatars, I decided to go for one that looked like a four year old. As much as I've adapted to my current situation and lived an okay life in spite of what happened in the past, the best times of my life were still back then I was four.
The RPername anima
face claim digimon tamers, ai
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